Hi
I have been having headaches since I had my feet operated on, coming up to eight weeks ago. Does this make sense to anyone? I suppose it is a manifestation of the mind/body thing - but odd, and annoying. It seems to be worse when I am tired. Maybe a warning that I should heed, to slow down when I am doing too much. Anyway, I have decided to ignore the headaches and I am sure they will go away soon.
As time goes on the feet are recovering. I am not in a hurry to have the x ray to tell me whether the bone has actually healed in my left foot. I really do not want to have another operation, so I have decided to close my mind to that too. Bury your head in the sand, anyone?
I did get rather paranoid the other day, just after I had written my last entry on here. My brain seems to have dulled in recent weeks - I don't have anything much to blog about and this makes me feel a bit stupid, especially now that I know people who know me are reading this.
But then I decided I am probably no more stupid than usual - I have just been busy with the kids and my brain is therefore in a different gear. I have still been reading a lot, so there must be something working up there. And hopefully when school starts again I will have more time to express myself properly, on more important topics.
Actually, nothing is more important to me than my children - which illustrates my current dilemma. I can't write at all while the kids are home, at least while they are awake - it's just not fair to them. They need my attention - especially Toddler. In fact, if he doesn't get my full attention at all times, he sits in his room, or under the coat rack covered in coats, or anywhere within earshot of me really, wailing, 'My Mummy doesn't love me. My Mummy doesn't even like me at all. My Mummy doesn't love me' on and on, until I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Of course, it doesn't take long before I scoop him up and reassure him that I love him more than life itself...and then he is happy again. Manipulative? Nah.
I am not sure about play school for Toddler - I keep changing my mind about how many days to send him next term. It is his last year before big school, so I thought I would keep him home with me for two days to make the most of the time we have together - then I realised that would mean doing the housework on his play school days, leaving me very little time to write. He actually likes play school a lot, so I would have to lay on a lot of entertainment on his days off. I am still considering it and he starts next week.
Gotta go,
Louise x
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Sunday, 28 August 2011
Seroquel as an official Painkiller?
Hi
I just thought I would write a few words on a subject that those of you in the UK might not have heard of: the accidental repackaging of Seroquel as Nurofen Plus. Apparently a wholesaler accidentally mixed up the two medications, and the Seroquel (which was incidentally the last anti-psychotic drug that I was made to take, back in 2000) was put into Nurofen packaging. Quite a few batches of medication were affected. There was a media announcement and a recall of the drugs last week. I haven't yet heard of any repercussions, and of course I hope that there haven't been any, that the mistake was discovered before anybody took the wrong drug. But I can't help wondering what the effects would have been, for a supposedly 'normal' person who took an anti-psychotic drug. Not nice, I am sure. Because they are just not nice drugs.
Anyway. I am just glad I don't have to take any of that stuff these days. Although sometimes, on bad days, I would do, if I thought it would help. But luckily I have learned that bad days pass, all on their own. It's called the ups and downs of life.
We had a family day out today. It was the first time we had all been out for literally ages - apart from a couple of brief shopping expeditions. Paul drove of course - I have still only driven on short journeys, but so far have suffered no ill effects and am hoping that the feet will recover sufficiently to carry on as normal soon. Or eventually.
So. We went to a Sea Life Centre, and then to see some trains. Toddler was in his element - we seemed to do a lot more with the other children when they were young, and he has not experienced as many days out and consequently gets much more excited about them. I have been promising him a battery operated train to go on his wooden track for ages, and finally bought it today, so when he got home he played trains with his big brother and was just so happy. I was amazed that big brother did not complain at all about not getting a new toy - did not even appear to notice. I still felt guilty though - but it is his birthday in less than two weeks so he will more than catch up then.
The girls have had a good day too - eldest daughter became much more relaxed than usual - in fact all of them were screaming so much in the car on the way home, laughing and singing and yelling and joking together that I ended up with a headache. It was still good to hear it though.
Anyway. Paul is in the process of setting up a Facebook page to publicise my book. I will link to it here when it is done - and please, any of you who have read it already, do write a review on Amazon. I still believe it will benefit people to read my story, to know that ordinary people can have breakdowns and can recover from them even if they have been given the damning diagnosis of schizophrenia. I have had enough decent feedback so far to know that the book is a good read, although I don't think I will ever stop wanting to tweak and edit it further. Once the kids are back at school I am going to work on getting it into paperback form - I will keep you posted on that too.
Anyone who's missed it so far can find the Amazon Kindle link at the top of this page. You can download the first eight or so chapters for free to get a taster (there are about sixty-five chapters in total, or eighty thousand words).
Thanks. Goodnight.
Louise x
I just thought I would write a few words on a subject that those of you in the UK might not have heard of: the accidental repackaging of Seroquel as Nurofen Plus. Apparently a wholesaler accidentally mixed up the two medications, and the Seroquel (which was incidentally the last anti-psychotic drug that I was made to take, back in 2000) was put into Nurofen packaging. Quite a few batches of medication were affected. There was a media announcement and a recall of the drugs last week. I haven't yet heard of any repercussions, and of course I hope that there haven't been any, that the mistake was discovered before anybody took the wrong drug. But I can't help wondering what the effects would have been, for a supposedly 'normal' person who took an anti-psychotic drug. Not nice, I am sure. Because they are just not nice drugs.
Anyway. I am just glad I don't have to take any of that stuff these days. Although sometimes, on bad days, I would do, if I thought it would help. But luckily I have learned that bad days pass, all on their own. It's called the ups and downs of life.
We had a family day out today. It was the first time we had all been out for literally ages - apart from a couple of brief shopping expeditions. Paul drove of course - I have still only driven on short journeys, but so far have suffered no ill effects and am hoping that the feet will recover sufficiently to carry on as normal soon. Or eventually.
So. We went to a Sea Life Centre, and then to see some trains. Toddler was in his element - we seemed to do a lot more with the other children when they were young, and he has not experienced as many days out and consequently gets much more excited about them. I have been promising him a battery operated train to go on his wooden track for ages, and finally bought it today, so when he got home he played trains with his big brother and was just so happy. I was amazed that big brother did not complain at all about not getting a new toy - did not even appear to notice. I still felt guilty though - but it is his birthday in less than two weeks so he will more than catch up then.
The girls have had a good day too - eldest daughter became much more relaxed than usual - in fact all of them were screaming so much in the car on the way home, laughing and singing and yelling and joking together that I ended up with a headache. It was still good to hear it though.
Anyway. Paul is in the process of setting up a Facebook page to publicise my book. I will link to it here when it is done - and please, any of you who have read it already, do write a review on Amazon. I still believe it will benefit people to read my story, to know that ordinary people can have breakdowns and can recover from them even if they have been given the damning diagnosis of schizophrenia. I have had enough decent feedback so far to know that the book is a good read, although I don't think I will ever stop wanting to tweak and edit it further. Once the kids are back at school I am going to work on getting it into paperback form - I will keep you posted on that too.
Anyone who's missed it so far can find the Amazon Kindle link at the top of this page. You can download the first eight or so chapters for free to get a taster (there are about sixty-five chapters in total, or eighty thousand words).
Thanks. Goodnight.
Louise x
Friday, 26 August 2011
Back in the land of the living
Hi Guys
I'm working against the clock here - sausages and chips in the oven, Paul due back from work anytime soon...
Just wanted to say - I am on my way back to normal (whatever normal is). I am not so obsessed with the health of my feet - finally decided that I am going to get better, no matter what. I discovered that I could drive a couple of days ago - which is wonderful. It makes me feel that there is a life out there again. Although I am still a bit shocked at how quickly I went downhill. Mentally, I mean.
Just been looking at the Beyond Meds site and seen lots of interesting stuff there. I need to find more time to browse all these sites properly.
Been having some creative ideas too - I am looking forward to having some time to get it all down. And been enjoying spending time with the kids too - there is not long left of the holidays and I want to make the most of it now that I am feeling better and can get out and about.
I am still waiting on the x ray which will tell me if the bone in my left foot has healed - but my foot feels better and that is good enough for me for now. I am not sure that I would be willing to undergo another operation just yet anyway. Not so bothered about it all anymore.
Hope all of you are zinging too.
Louise x
I'm working against the clock here - sausages and chips in the oven, Paul due back from work anytime soon...
Just wanted to say - I am on my way back to normal (whatever normal is). I am not so obsessed with the health of my feet - finally decided that I am going to get better, no matter what. I discovered that I could drive a couple of days ago - which is wonderful. It makes me feel that there is a life out there again. Although I am still a bit shocked at how quickly I went downhill. Mentally, I mean.
Just been looking at the Beyond Meds site and seen lots of interesting stuff there. I need to find more time to browse all these sites properly.
Been having some creative ideas too - I am looking forward to having some time to get it all down. And been enjoying spending time with the kids too - there is not long left of the holidays and I want to make the most of it now that I am feeling better and can get out and about.
I am still waiting on the x ray which will tell me if the bone in my left foot has healed - but my foot feels better and that is good enough for me for now. I am not sure that I would be willing to undergo another operation just yet anyway. Not so bothered about it all anymore.
Hope all of you are zinging too.
Louise x
Sunday, 21 August 2011
Shopping!
Hi Readers
Managed to get out to the shops today - Paul driving, of course - and got some of the back to school shopping done. I thought I had better start it - the girls were getting a little anxious about getting their new shoes and uniforms sorted and I knew we wouldn't manage it all in one go. Paul really does not like shopping, so it was not exactly fun, but still...it was shopping.
We got all the older children some trainers, and Toddler got a new pair of converse-style shoes, which he adores. I got school shoes for one child, too, and socks, and a new school skirt for another...and pyjamas for another... After six weeks I had built up quite a list of things that were needed.
Then we went along to another shop to buy curtains. My sister-in-law had said there was a sale on in a particular shop, and having been sitting at home for so long I have been noticing that one thing we really needed was new curtains. And we managed that too - although my feet ached by the end of it all.
I reckon another two shopping trips should do it. This may sound like a lot, but my stamina is not great, so it has to be broken down into chunks. Next time, more school shoes and the remainder of the uniform. Then finally, the schoolbags and the stationery... I love stationery and so do my daughters, I think it must be a girl thing. Or maybe it is just a swotty girl thing.
I can't believe how many things I used to take for granted. I try not to dwell on it all, but sometimes I feel so helpless, with one almost useless foot and the other nowhere near as good as it was just a few weeks ago. I wonder what I was thinking of, having this operation in the first place. I could walk and swim and drive before! Now I can't!
Excuse me for having a whinge attack. I was trying not to. I can console you with the thought that it is nowhere near as bad as the tantrums and tears that I regaled Paul with earlier this evening. It was the first time I completely gave in to these negative emotions...I have resigned myself to it all again now. Lots of people go through a lot worse, it was an elective operation, and there is still hope that things will be ok, with or without another operation. But....nothing.
On the bright side, Toddler is not coughing so far this evening. The girls are pleased with their shopping experience. Paul is finally getting stuck into working on his car, so there is a faint chance that it may be finished before the end of the year. And....everything.
So long for now.
Louise x
Managed to get out to the shops today - Paul driving, of course - and got some of the back to school shopping done. I thought I had better start it - the girls were getting a little anxious about getting their new shoes and uniforms sorted and I knew we wouldn't manage it all in one go. Paul really does not like shopping, so it was not exactly fun, but still...it was shopping.
We got all the older children some trainers, and Toddler got a new pair of converse-style shoes, which he adores. I got school shoes for one child, too, and socks, and a new school skirt for another...and pyjamas for another... After six weeks I had built up quite a list of things that were needed.
Then we went along to another shop to buy curtains. My sister-in-law had said there was a sale on in a particular shop, and having been sitting at home for so long I have been noticing that one thing we really needed was new curtains. And we managed that too - although my feet ached by the end of it all.
I reckon another two shopping trips should do it. This may sound like a lot, but my stamina is not great, so it has to be broken down into chunks. Next time, more school shoes and the remainder of the uniform. Then finally, the schoolbags and the stationery... I love stationery and so do my daughters, I think it must be a girl thing. Or maybe it is just a swotty girl thing.
I can't believe how many things I used to take for granted. I try not to dwell on it all, but sometimes I feel so helpless, with one almost useless foot and the other nowhere near as good as it was just a few weeks ago. I wonder what I was thinking of, having this operation in the first place. I could walk and swim and drive before! Now I can't!
Excuse me for having a whinge attack. I was trying not to. I can console you with the thought that it is nowhere near as bad as the tantrums and tears that I regaled Paul with earlier this evening. It was the first time I completely gave in to these negative emotions...I have resigned myself to it all again now. Lots of people go through a lot worse, it was an elective operation, and there is still hope that things will be ok, with or without another operation. But....nothing.
On the bright side, Toddler is not coughing so far this evening. The girls are pleased with their shopping experience. Paul is finally getting stuck into working on his car, so there is a faint chance that it may be finished before the end of the year. And....everything.
So long for now.
Louise x
Saturday, 20 August 2011
Ruminations
Greetings
I titled this post Ruminations in the hope that some useful thoughts would come to me that I could then record... Hmmm.
The foot is getting better. The would has not healed over properly yet, but it is a lot less red, and not hot or painful any more, so it would seem that the antibiotics are doing their thing. Back to hospital on Monday - although I kind of resent it, because there is always a long wait in the clinic and not much the doctor can tell me until they do the next x ray. Still, it's good that they are keeping an eye on things.
Actually I snuck out of the house yesterday - got a lift to the park with two friends. One child in one car, myself and the other three in the other. I was already feeling better, but that couple of hours in the fresh air lifted my mood even more. Am having a quiet day today to compensate - I have managed to persuade everybody to take the dog for a walk, and am enjoying the ensuing peace. I didn't sleep brilliantly last night, probably because I have been sleeping too much recently and don't actually need the amount of rest I have been getting.
Toddler has a cough - I literally hate it when any of them are poorly, and this seems worse than usual because they have all been well for so long. Hopefully it will pass quickly.
Oh well, the interesting and insightful ponderings I had hoped for when I began this post failed to materialise. Sorry, guys. All I can say is that I am trying to change my mindset from 'Foot' to 'Everything else' and I am sure I will get there soon.
All the best to all of you.
Louise x
I titled this post Ruminations in the hope that some useful thoughts would come to me that I could then record... Hmmm.
The foot is getting better. The would has not healed over properly yet, but it is a lot less red, and not hot or painful any more, so it would seem that the antibiotics are doing their thing. Back to hospital on Monday - although I kind of resent it, because there is always a long wait in the clinic and not much the doctor can tell me until they do the next x ray. Still, it's good that they are keeping an eye on things.
Actually I snuck out of the house yesterday - got a lift to the park with two friends. One child in one car, myself and the other three in the other. I was already feeling better, but that couple of hours in the fresh air lifted my mood even more. Am having a quiet day today to compensate - I have managed to persuade everybody to take the dog for a walk, and am enjoying the ensuing peace. I didn't sleep brilliantly last night, probably because I have been sleeping too much recently and don't actually need the amount of rest I have been getting.
Toddler has a cough - I literally hate it when any of them are poorly, and this seems worse than usual because they have all been well for so long. Hopefully it will pass quickly.
Oh well, the interesting and insightful ponderings I had hoped for when I began this post failed to materialise. Sorry, guys. All I can say is that I am trying to change my mindset from 'Foot' to 'Everything else' and I am sure I will get there soon.
All the best to all of you.
Louise x
Thursday, 18 August 2011
So Fed Up!
Hi Everyone
It has been a couple of days, so I thought I should write a post to keep this blog up to date. But I haven't been anywhere or done anything, so I don't have a great deal to say. Sorry.
I am about half way through my first Human Givens book (I referred to this a few posts ago). So far it seems to be talking a lot of common sense. When I have finished it I will write a review.
I have been going a bit stir crazy. I came to the conclusion that I might have been doing too much and so contributed to my foot problems, so I am determined now to rest as much as possible. Trouble is that this is boring for the kids - although it has been pouring all day so we wouldn't have been doing much anyway. Their cousins came to play this morning, and this evening their Daddy took them out for an hour, and they actually seem to be quite happy.
I am bored though. And I am restless. I know that I usually rush around too much, and that partly this is because I have an excess of nervous energy. Six weeks ago the house would look great if I had to spend a day at home - I would tidy up at least three rooms really thoroughly in a few hours. Now I can't even tidy and clean - adding to my general demoralisation.
I am exaggerating. I tidied up my bedroom yesterday, and the day before I tidied the porch. And today I tidied the bathroom - it didn't take long, I just chucked away a load of old shower gels and old toiletries that had been hanging around for ages and never got used. It made it look a lot tidier very quickly. But I wish I could do more.
I think I had become quite smug about the state of my mental health. Now I am faced with a real challenge - staying positive and motivated in difficult circumstances. And what makes it really hard is that I want to be doing more, not just for me, but for the kids too. This is their summer holiday after all. I like to lay down memories in the summer, to hold on to during the long term time, so that they look forward to the next holidays. And also there is stuff they need to go back to school with in a couple of weeks - I have a real reason to go shoping - and I can't get to the shops! (Although I might ask Paul to take us at the weekend, if the antibiotics have worked by then).
My foot is oozing at the moment. I have been tempted to post a picture on here, but don't want to gross anybody out, so I have refrained.
I am actually not as miserable as I sound. Deep down I am sure that the antibiotics will kick in soon. And that the bone will heal. I will keep you posted - but only as an aside - I promise I will try to think of something more interesting to write about next time.
Louise x
It has been a couple of days, so I thought I should write a post to keep this blog up to date. But I haven't been anywhere or done anything, so I don't have a great deal to say. Sorry.
I am about half way through my first Human Givens book (I referred to this a few posts ago). So far it seems to be talking a lot of common sense. When I have finished it I will write a review.
I have been going a bit stir crazy. I came to the conclusion that I might have been doing too much and so contributed to my foot problems, so I am determined now to rest as much as possible. Trouble is that this is boring for the kids - although it has been pouring all day so we wouldn't have been doing much anyway. Their cousins came to play this morning, and this evening their Daddy took them out for an hour, and they actually seem to be quite happy.
I am bored though. And I am restless. I know that I usually rush around too much, and that partly this is because I have an excess of nervous energy. Six weeks ago the house would look great if I had to spend a day at home - I would tidy up at least three rooms really thoroughly in a few hours. Now I can't even tidy and clean - adding to my general demoralisation.
I am exaggerating. I tidied up my bedroom yesterday, and the day before I tidied the porch. And today I tidied the bathroom - it didn't take long, I just chucked away a load of old shower gels and old toiletries that had been hanging around for ages and never got used. It made it look a lot tidier very quickly. But I wish I could do more.
I think I had become quite smug about the state of my mental health. Now I am faced with a real challenge - staying positive and motivated in difficult circumstances. And what makes it really hard is that I want to be doing more, not just for me, but for the kids too. This is their summer holiday after all. I like to lay down memories in the summer, to hold on to during the long term time, so that they look forward to the next holidays. And also there is stuff they need to go back to school with in a couple of weeks - I have a real reason to go shoping - and I can't get to the shops! (Although I might ask Paul to take us at the weekend, if the antibiotics have worked by then).
My foot is oozing at the moment. I have been tempted to post a picture on here, but don't want to gross anybody out, so I have refrained.
I am actually not as miserable as I sound. Deep down I am sure that the antibiotics will kick in soon. And that the bone will heal. I will keep you posted - but only as an aside - I promise I will try to think of something more interesting to write about next time.
Louise x
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Not Good News about my Feet
Hi everyone
I was a bit disappointed at the hospital yesterday (to say the least). Although really I knew that things weren't right - that one foot had healed better than the other - it was still disappointing to be told by the doctor that the x ray had shown that the bone had knitted in my right foot but hadn't yet healed in the left. Especially when he then went off to show the x ray to the consultant and came back saying that it looked like the bone had lost position at the time of the operation when the screw went in, they think that is why it hasn't healed, and they may have to do a 'revision' - i.e. another operation.
Aagh! I am honestly not sure if I would agree to have another operation, depending on how much pain I am left in. But I don't suppose they will give me a choice... I was also given antibiotics yesterday, because I have another infection in the wound on that foot (which is so painful that I am taking painkillers again for the first time in weeks). So of course I am now panicking at what will happen if the antibiotics don't work - there is a word for this, for worrying unecessarily about the worst case scenario, and although I have forgotten the word I know I am guilty of it.
So, I have to rest some more. Not a bad thing, especially if it has the desired results and the bone does knit after all. I am just frustrated, because I wanted to get back behind the wheel (in so many ways). If I am honest I have to admit that I supsect I may have been doing a little too much, and so not helped myself. Although I also wish they hadn't done both feet together, because that made it so hard not to do too much - but I suppose that by doing that they saved me two operations. Or did they?
Oh well, nothing I can do now, except wait and see what happens. I am not going to get glum about it, but look at the bright side. Rest means plenty of chance to read and write, doesn't it? So that must be good. As for who will look after the kids while I am resting, I am sure that will work itself out. Things seem to.
I have just written a blog post for Time to Change, although I will have to wait now and find out whether they want to use it. If and when that happens I will link to it here.
Hope all is well with you and yours.
Louise x
I was a bit disappointed at the hospital yesterday (to say the least). Although really I knew that things weren't right - that one foot had healed better than the other - it was still disappointing to be told by the doctor that the x ray had shown that the bone had knitted in my right foot but hadn't yet healed in the left. Especially when he then went off to show the x ray to the consultant and came back saying that it looked like the bone had lost position at the time of the operation when the screw went in, they think that is why it hasn't healed, and they may have to do a 'revision' - i.e. another operation.
Aagh! I am honestly not sure if I would agree to have another operation, depending on how much pain I am left in. But I don't suppose they will give me a choice... I was also given antibiotics yesterday, because I have another infection in the wound on that foot (which is so painful that I am taking painkillers again for the first time in weeks). So of course I am now panicking at what will happen if the antibiotics don't work - there is a word for this, for worrying unecessarily about the worst case scenario, and although I have forgotten the word I know I am guilty of it.
So, I have to rest some more. Not a bad thing, especially if it has the desired results and the bone does knit after all. I am just frustrated, because I wanted to get back behind the wheel (in so many ways). If I am honest I have to admit that I supsect I may have been doing a little too much, and so not helped myself. Although I also wish they hadn't done both feet together, because that made it so hard not to do too much - but I suppose that by doing that they saved me two operations. Or did they?
Oh well, nothing I can do now, except wait and see what happens. I am not going to get glum about it, but look at the bright side. Rest means plenty of chance to read and write, doesn't it? So that must be good. As for who will look after the kids while I am resting, I am sure that will work itself out. Things seem to.
I have just written a blog post for Time to Change, although I will have to wait now and find out whether they want to use it. If and when that happens I will link to it here.
Hope all is well with you and yours.
Louise x
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