Unwell

I've been really poorly for the last week or so. This is a bit of a joke in our household because I am not one to suffer in silence. I want sympathy.

Whenever I'm not up to par, announcing that I'm unwell results in derision and laughter from my offspring - they know I'm poorly, I've told them already, why do I have to keep banging on about it?

Which in turn makes me laugh - because I know the mickey-taking is coming from a place of love. Even if I also know that they want me to get better, not only because they love me, but also because they want normal service to resume.

By which I mean, cooking, cleaning, shopping, chauffeur and laundry service, all of which has still been provided, but at a lower, slower standard than usual and accompanied by a constant refrain of, 'I'm so poorly'.

It's nice to be needed, I'm not complaining. I have a chest infection, in case anyone is interested.

Ah well. I've just deleted my 'Louise Gillett' Facebook account and changed my name on Twitter to 'Louise van Wingerden' (although my handle is still @Louise_Gillett, because I can't change that). I'm sure it has made absolutely no impact on the outside world, but it feels momentous to me, to have announced my 'real' name after hiding behind my maiden name for so long.

I wrote the memoir in my maiden name for a very good reason - to protect my children from any stigma they might be subjected to, because of having a mother who was diagnosed with schizophrenia. But they're older now, I haven't believed in that diagnosis for many years, and I have to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak.

I can't change the name on the memoir, because Amazon doesn't let authors change their names on their published books. But actually, it makes sense to me to leave it in my maiden name. The book is about what led to the diagnosis, which was my childhood experiences... I'm not blaming anyone, it's all been put into perspective and context now, but suffice it to say that back then I was the kind of person who couldn't have laughed when someone took the mickey. I didn't feel loved and secure enough.

I've changed in so many ways...although I still have a lot more work to do, as I travel along the road towards enlightenment, whatever that is.

And by the way, did I tell you that I'm poorly?