Starting Out

My husband was really scared just now when I was setting up this blog. I have never seen him quite like that before. Usually, he is the rock and I am the quaking limpet.

'People aren't going to like this' he told me. 'People don't want to see schizophrenia and school in the same sentence'.

But that is my whole point. There is so little understanding of mental illness out there, and to my mind schizophrenia is the least understood of all.

I am the schizophrenic at the school gate. I am also a loving wife and a devoted mother of four young children.

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I suffered a nervous breakdown at the age of nineteen. I recovered well from this illness, and was only told about the diagnosis when I was twenty-five, after my second breakdown. I was so badly affected by the label that I then withdrew from society for several years.

So no matter how many times I read now that schizophrenia is nothing to do with having a split personality (rather, the only divide is between the emotions felt and the outward display of those emotions, like laughing at moments of sadness) or that schizophrenics are no more dangerous than any other members of the general public, I know the potency of that single word.

In recent years I have lived my life to the full - I was lucky beyond belief to meet my wonderful husband and build a family with him. I have many friends, and a really active life. Yet I live in fear in case these friends should find out about my mental health history - I really feel that most of them wouldn't be able to cope with the information about my diagnosis and that some of them would go so far as to shun me.

I hope I am wrong. But I am going to cover my bets, and write this blog anonomously for now. It is about my daily life, and about the events which have led me to where I am now. I hope it may help someone - anyone who finds themself in the position that I was for years after my diagnosis, with the world tumbling to shreds around me and all my self-confidence vanished, as a newly labelled 'Schizophrenic'.


I will relate more about all this tomorrow.