Hi Everyone
I have a lot to write about this evening. It has been a busy couple of days - after spending huge tracts of time at home in recent weeks, me and my feet (my feet and I!) have finally got out and about.
Yesterday Paul took an afternoon off work and he and I attended a training session set up by the charity Time to Change. This was because we had volunteered to help at one of their roadshows today - the charity has been set up to combat the stigma and discrimation around mental health issues, and the roadshows are to take this message to the people. I heard about it through Rethink.
Anyway, the training session was well organised and interesting. I was able to put my feet up throughout (in my attractive outsized velcro footwear) and Paul brought me several cups of tea during the afternoon. We watched a film, did some role play (something I would once have found excruciatingly painful, but I did a short counselling course a few years ago which involved mostly role play and this kind of immunized me to it). In fact, I felt relaxed for almost the whole of the afternoon - probably because I was so engaged with what was going on.
I remember reading years ago, when I was at my most nervous and anxious, that nerves are a kind of narcissism - we are nervous in company because we are thinking about ourselves so much, and because we assume that everyone else must be thinking about us too. The narcissism view made sense to me, but didn't help at all - just added the burden of guilt for being narcissistic to my already over-burdened mind!
Anyway, I have learned to be kinder to myself these days, also growing older has made me calmer and less anxious (aided by other coping techniques I have been investigating) and the training session was fine. And so was this afternoon - I found I had very few qualms about approaching members of the public and raising the subject of mental wellbeing (especially since I was not required to divulge anything about myself).
In fact, I overdid things at one point - realised I had been on my feet for over an hour (my poor feet) and had got totally carried away with these conversations. I heard myself telling one couple that I would rather have been diagnosed with a brain tumour than schizophrenia when I was nineteen years old, and from their expressions of alarm I then deduced that it might be time to sit down for a nice cup of tea. Then I stayed sitting down chatting to various people for the next hour, and then it was almost time to stop and go home.
I talked to the most amazing old man. He was lovely, but the conversation made me feel so sad. He said he had been diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 23. He had spent most of his life in institutions - he said that for a long time he was made to go to bed at seven in the evening and not allowed to get up until eight o'clock the next morning. Now he says he is happy enough - he is living in sheltered housing and the inhabitants have support in the daytime but are left alone at night, with emergency numbers in case they need help.
This man wasn't resentful about any of his experiences, but did say that it had been impossible ever to work - nobody would take him. And he said that one time he had told the psychiatrist that he had been on medication for forty years, and the psychiatrist had stayed silent for ten minutes. The psychiatrist didn't know what to say, this old man told me. This made me so cross on his behalf - psychiatrists are just so useless. So unhelpful. So rude, to just say nothing to this poor mild mannered man, who has taken medical advice for the whole of his life - and this medical advice has got him precisely nowhere.
He told me about thought field therapy which he had learned about in a book he had read called 'How to Stay Calm'. He has found that this helps his anxiety. He has also learned a calming technique from this book which involves counting backwards, from 16 to 3, say, visualising the numbers as he goes. His only worry at the moment is that he feels so tired at night - he can't move off his bed once he has taken his medication. (My guess is that the residents are all over-sedated because there are no staff in their accommodation at night, but this is just a wild guess).
He was such a nice man - so normal. And his whole life has been wasted. Or maybe just changed. What do I know? But I do know that it is not fair to treat anybody as if they are not a real person or proper person for the whole of their life, just because they became ill once when they were young.
This lovely old man had so little confidence. He was so sure that he was worthless. When I got up (only because I needed to move around a bit) he thanked me so sincerely for talking to him. He was so grateful. I got the impression he thought I was only being polite when I said I had really enjoyed talking to him. But I really had. He was so interesting and so nice. He spoke beautifully. He had contributed so much more, and so much better to our conversation than I did. But he had no sense of that at all. No self-belief. Because he had never been allowed to gain any.
I don't know what the answer to mental health problems is, but it seems to me that counselling - therapy, just talking, would be a really good place to start. In my view, anybody with mental health issues, past or present, should have open access to counselling services. In the same way that you can go to the GP and get an appointment, you should be able to walk into a surgery and get counselling whenever you need it.
I am going to join the local NHS trust ASAP and start putting my views forward. I have so many views these days - I may be way off track with this one, but I think I have a point. I know from my own experience when I have a crisis - you can never talk to someone professionally unless there is a psychiatric emergency. A 'wobble' is not enough to qualify. This just doesn't make sense - I am sure a lot of emergencies could be avoided by counselling, or just talking, at a much earlier stage.
And even if people needed ongoing counselling for years, it would cost a lot less than putting them in hospital even for a short time. When will we learn from the Finnish Open Dialogue system? It seems so straightforward and so humane. In Finland, schizophrenia has almost been eradicated, because people are treated so effectively when they have their first psychotic epsiode that the problem never becomes acute.
Slight digression there. Back to the events of this afternoon. Meanwhile Paul had been on his feet for hours, and got stung by a wasp into the bargain. He was very good at handing out leaflets and postcards - not sure how many meaningful conversations he managed, but I think a lot of the people we leafleted will have gone home and thought further about the subject, maybe even looked up the campaign on Facebook or other social media.
Which reminds me - Facebook www.facebook.com/timetochange
Twitter @TimeToChange
YouTube TTCnow2008
So - a lot to write about. Now I think I have earned an evening off. And a shower - I managed a shower for the first time in three weeks yesterday and it was fab. Even if I did have to sit on a stool, and several times nearly slipped over... I am definitely on the mend.
Hope all of you are well and happy too.
Louise x
Saturday, 30 July 2011
Friday, 29 July 2011
Fabulous song by Daniel Mackler
Hi everyone
Just in case anyone should get the impression that I am anti-Daniel Mackler - I am so not! Here is a link to one of his amazing songs on You Tube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5LyH61VH30&feature=player_embedded
And do investigate his website (link in the last post on here).
I just feel that perhaps Daniel sets the bar too high. I think it may just be ok to do the best we can for ourselves and for our kids, and not expect ourselves or them to be perfect. It is an imperfect world, but there is a lot of beauty and goodness out there - a lot to enjoy and savour in life.
And you can start by enjoying Daniel Mackler's wickedly good song! (I found it this morning, and Toddler liked it too - he kept asking me to, 'Play the funny song again' but I decided once was enough - I am not sure what influence frequent repetition of these particular lyrics might have on his subconscious...)
Louise. x.
Just in case anyone should get the impression that I am anti-Daniel Mackler - I am so not! Here is a link to one of his amazing songs on You Tube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5LyH61VH30&feature=player_embedded
And do investigate his website (link in the last post on here).
I just feel that perhaps Daniel sets the bar too high. I think it may just be ok to do the best we can for ourselves and for our kids, and not expect ourselves or them to be perfect. It is an imperfect world, but there is a lot of beauty and goodness out there - a lot to enjoy and savour in life.
And you can start by enjoying Daniel Mackler's wickedly good song! (I found it this morning, and Toddler liked it too - he kept asking me to, 'Play the funny song again' but I decided once was enough - I am not sure what influence frequent repetition of these particular lyrics might have on his subconscious...)
Louise. x.
More about my opinions on Schizophrenia
Hi everyone
The more I read about schizophrenia, the more I feel that there is hope out there. But healing from mental illness takes time, and this is perhaps why it is so difficult and can be so frustrating. Hang in there, those of you who are suffering at the moment.
I have said this before, but I would like to re-iterate it. Please try to think of yourselves as suffering from emotional trouble, a nervous debility if you like, rather than accepting a dubious mental health diagnosis. These diagnoses negate hope, and hope is the thing that we need in order to recover. To keep recovering.
I see recovery as a process, as life itself is a process, and I don't suppose there will be any time in the future when I feel able to put myself forward with any confidence as an example of a perfectly mentally healthy person - the moment I do that could be the moment when it all starts to crumble. We are all weak to some extent, I am sure - although in some people that weakness may be minimised to the point where it is hardly apparent. Yet put anyone into the right (or the wrong) situation and they may not be able to cope. This is normal.
Or so it seems to me. I was honoured this morning to recieve a reply to an email I sent to Daniel Mackler only last night - he of the acclaimed films. I see him as a great healer, doing brilliant work in the mental health field, but I wrote to him because I was upset by one of his views - that nobody should have children unless and until they are healed from their own childhood trauma. Otherwise he sees it as inevitable that one's children will be abused and traumatised in turn. The reason this upset me was because I am convinced that I would never have got better without my children, they are perfect in every sense of the word, and I can say without doubt that I am a good mother to them. This is one thing that I know about myself.
Here is a link to Daniel Mackler's site http://www.iraresoul.com/
Daniel sent a lovely email, but stands by his point of view in regard to having children. We may speak further on that subject, but it may turn out that we will always differ on that point - because I think perhaps nobody in this world will ever be fully 'healed' just as nobody will ever be perfect, even if they have never been damaged as a child.
Part of the human inheiritance, it seems to me, is that we all have the capacity for good and evil within us - but we are also equipped with the ability to understand the difference between the two and to make the right choices (obviously this is where good and bad parenting comes in). We can only do our best.
Anyway, obviously, everything I write on here is just my personal opinion - I have had no mental health training. Which is why at times in this blog I ramble on about my sore feet, or what Toddler has been up to and so on - it is just an ordinary blog, which I began because I hoped it would help other people who have suffered or are suffering with mental illnes to feel more normal too. Because it is all normal - the whole spectrum of human emotion. Some of us just experience more extreme swings of the pendulum (I read that expression somewhere recently and am not intending to plagiarise but can't remember where I got it from).
Take care, all of you. Have a good day (or evening or whatever, depending where in the world you are).
Louise x
Louise x
The more I read about schizophrenia, the more I feel that there is hope out there. But healing from mental illness takes time, and this is perhaps why it is so difficult and can be so frustrating. Hang in there, those of you who are suffering at the moment.
I have said this before, but I would like to re-iterate it. Please try to think of yourselves as suffering from emotional trouble, a nervous debility if you like, rather than accepting a dubious mental health diagnosis. These diagnoses negate hope, and hope is the thing that we need in order to recover. To keep recovering.
I see recovery as a process, as life itself is a process, and I don't suppose there will be any time in the future when I feel able to put myself forward with any confidence as an example of a perfectly mentally healthy person - the moment I do that could be the moment when it all starts to crumble. We are all weak to some extent, I am sure - although in some people that weakness may be minimised to the point where it is hardly apparent. Yet put anyone into the right (or the wrong) situation and they may not be able to cope. This is normal.
Or so it seems to me. I was honoured this morning to recieve a reply to an email I sent to Daniel Mackler only last night - he of the acclaimed films. I see him as a great healer, doing brilliant work in the mental health field, but I wrote to him because I was upset by one of his views - that nobody should have children unless and until they are healed from their own childhood trauma. Otherwise he sees it as inevitable that one's children will be abused and traumatised in turn. The reason this upset me was because I am convinced that I would never have got better without my children, they are perfect in every sense of the word, and I can say without doubt that I am a good mother to them. This is one thing that I know about myself.
Here is a link to Daniel Mackler's site http://www.iraresoul.com/
Daniel sent a lovely email, but stands by his point of view in regard to having children. We may speak further on that subject, but it may turn out that we will always differ on that point - because I think perhaps nobody in this world will ever be fully 'healed' just as nobody will ever be perfect, even if they have never been damaged as a child.
Part of the human inheiritance, it seems to me, is that we all have the capacity for good and evil within us - but we are also equipped with the ability to understand the difference between the two and to make the right choices (obviously this is where good and bad parenting comes in). We can only do our best.
Anyway, obviously, everything I write on here is just my personal opinion - I have had no mental health training. Which is why at times in this blog I ramble on about my sore feet, or what Toddler has been up to and so on - it is just an ordinary blog, which I began because I hoped it would help other people who have suffered or are suffering with mental illnes to feel more normal too. Because it is all normal - the whole spectrum of human emotion. Some of us just experience more extreme swings of the pendulum (I read that expression somewhere recently and am not intending to plagiarise but can't remember where I got it from).
Take care, all of you. Have a good day (or evening or whatever, depending where in the world you are).
Louise x
Louise x
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
The Human Givens Approach
Hi Everyone
I am really excited, as I have just come across a mental health therapy that looks absolutely perfect. As usual, when I come across something new in this field, I am a little miffed that I didn't know about it before... However, I think that sometimes knowledge comes to us when we are ready for it.
Anyway, the following link should take you to a page on the Human Givens Institute's website that has an article on schizophrenia, and from there you can research further for yourselves. http://www.hgi.org.uk/archive/psychosis.htm
The article was written in 2006. But I only heard about Human Givens today, from a friend who was visiting with her children. She has a nursing background, and has done some counselling work. She came across Human Givens through her work, and found it fascinating.
Anyway, hopefully this will be as interesting to others as it is to me. It offers a great deal of hope. The idea as I understand it (and I have only read a very little about it so far) is that as long as certain human needs are met, mental illlness is not possible - and if breakdown does occur, then it can be fixed, by paying attention to those same human needs. And - in case this needs pointing out - medication is NOT one of these human needs!
So, for those of you who think this blog had deteriorated somewhat into a boring ramble about the state of my feet (and it had) I hope this redeems me as a useful member of the mental health blog network. Not that I have done a great deal of networking yet, but you know what I mean. I want to be useful - things are changing in the way people are viewing mental health, and in the treatment of mental illness, and I want to be part of those changes. At a selfish level, I want to be sure that my children don't suffer as I have - on a wider level, I think the world will be a better place as treatment and understanding of mental health problems continue to improve.
Louise x
I am really excited, as I have just come across a mental health therapy that looks absolutely perfect. As usual, when I come across something new in this field, I am a little miffed that I didn't know about it before... However, I think that sometimes knowledge comes to us when we are ready for it.
Anyway, the following link should take you to a page on the Human Givens Institute's website that has an article on schizophrenia, and from there you can research further for yourselves. http://www.hgi.org.uk/archive/psychosis.htm
The article was written in 2006. But I only heard about Human Givens today, from a friend who was visiting with her children. She has a nursing background, and has done some counselling work. She came across Human Givens through her work, and found it fascinating.
Anyway, hopefully this will be as interesting to others as it is to me. It offers a great deal of hope. The idea as I understand it (and I have only read a very little about it so far) is that as long as certain human needs are met, mental illlness is not possible - and if breakdown does occur, then it can be fixed, by paying attention to those same human needs. And - in case this needs pointing out - medication is NOT one of these human needs!
So, for those of you who think this blog had deteriorated somewhat into a boring ramble about the state of my feet (and it had) I hope this redeems me as a useful member of the mental health blog network. Not that I have done a great deal of networking yet, but you know what I mean. I want to be useful - things are changing in the way people are viewing mental health, and in the treatment of mental illness, and I want to be part of those changes. At a selfish level, I want to be sure that my children don't suffer as I have - on a wider level, I think the world will be a better place as treatment and understanding of mental health problems continue to improve.
Louise x
Tuesday, 26 July 2011
Resting
Hi Everyone
I overdid things yesterday - it was so lovely to be able to do simple things like the laundry and the cooking again that I did too much and my foot started bleeding in the evening. Only very slightly, but it upset me a lot. Today I have been busy again, but doing my very best to sit down and rest in between bouts of activity. I am reading a Roald Dahl book - it is short stories, intended for teenagers, but really very good. That man had such a vivid imagination. He preferred to write fiction, said he felt uncomfortable writing about his own life, which is interesting. I think he must have been a very private person, unlike me!
I have read two other novels so far since I have been laid up (as well as the books on the Alexander technique) and I would recommend both. The first is Trespass by Valerie Martin and the second is Every Last One by Anna Quindlen. That one made me cry.
I have also been reading the Times every day. I am upset about Amy Winehouse and the events in Norway - very different tragedies, but linked by the factor of troubled personalities (as, I suppose, a lot of tragedies are). Troubled minds. I am upset that so much is being written about this man's 'Reasons' for what he did - far-right leanings and delusions about the Crusaders. What he did makes no sense and no sense can be made of it. By attempting to, journalists are publicising his so-called 'causes' and perhaps encouraging other cults or loners to take extreme action in the hope that they too will become 'famous'. The man was deranged and dangerous. End of.
What surprised me today (about myself) was my emotions when I was glancing through an article on the prison in which this man is likely to be kept - the highest security jail in Norway. It is so humane - half the staff are female, prisoners and staff play sport together, everyone has their own TV and so on. This made me angry, as I am sure it was intended to do. But normally I take the humanitarian view - that prisons should be decent places, that their purpose should be for rehabilitation as much as punishment, and not at all for retribution. Yet this man - perhaps because he claims to see no wrong in what he has done - does not seem deserving of decent treatment. Though who am I to judge?
I try not to read too mcuh about gruesome things in the newspaper, because they play on my mind. But sometimes I do read them, because I want to understand. I have not read much about his so-called 'causes' because as I have said, the man was clearly deranged and has done something unforgivable, for which there is no imaginable justification, and I do not even want to know what he considers his to be. But I would like to know something about the man - what was there in his upbringing that made him go so bad? Something must have happened to him, surely? What is it that makes a human, inhuman?
And poor Amy Winehouse. Her poor family. There was an article in the paper about drugs - about how her death should be used as an example to teenagers to once again, 'Just say No'.
I think the family unit is our best hope of keeping our children well and safe. I have been lecturing my own children on the dangers of drink and drugs (and even cigarettes) since they were tiny tots. I also encourage them to tell me everything and talk to me about whatever is on their mind. And as they grow older I am going to keep myself as involved as possible in every aspect of their lives - so that they know I am here to support them no matter what. And I will - when they leave home I will visit them frequently, make sure they have everything they need and so on. Meet their friends. Keep an eye. If they want to live at home until they are thirty and beyond then that is fine by me too. I will look after them for ever if they let me (and even if they don't!).
We all do our best, I know. And we can't always stop bad things happening to our children. Sometimes the world just looks like a mad and dangerous place, and that, for me, is when I have to stop looking outwards for a while, and just turn my attention instead to those around me, to my beloved family, and just do my utmost to love them and keep them close. And then hope for the best.
Louise x
I overdid things yesterday - it was so lovely to be able to do simple things like the laundry and the cooking again that I did too much and my foot started bleeding in the evening. Only very slightly, but it upset me a lot. Today I have been busy again, but doing my very best to sit down and rest in between bouts of activity. I am reading a Roald Dahl book - it is short stories, intended for teenagers, but really very good. That man had such a vivid imagination. He preferred to write fiction, said he felt uncomfortable writing about his own life, which is interesting. I think he must have been a very private person, unlike me!
I have read two other novels so far since I have been laid up (as well as the books on the Alexander technique) and I would recommend both. The first is Trespass by Valerie Martin and the second is Every Last One by Anna Quindlen. That one made me cry.
I have also been reading the Times every day. I am upset about Amy Winehouse and the events in Norway - very different tragedies, but linked by the factor of troubled personalities (as, I suppose, a lot of tragedies are). Troubled minds. I am upset that so much is being written about this man's 'Reasons' for what he did - far-right leanings and delusions about the Crusaders. What he did makes no sense and no sense can be made of it. By attempting to, journalists are publicising his so-called 'causes' and perhaps encouraging other cults or loners to take extreme action in the hope that they too will become 'famous'. The man was deranged and dangerous. End of.
What surprised me today (about myself) was my emotions when I was glancing through an article on the prison in which this man is likely to be kept - the highest security jail in Norway. It is so humane - half the staff are female, prisoners and staff play sport together, everyone has their own TV and so on. This made me angry, as I am sure it was intended to do. But normally I take the humanitarian view - that prisons should be decent places, that their purpose should be for rehabilitation as much as punishment, and not at all for retribution. Yet this man - perhaps because he claims to see no wrong in what he has done - does not seem deserving of decent treatment. Though who am I to judge?
I try not to read too mcuh about gruesome things in the newspaper, because they play on my mind. But sometimes I do read them, because I want to understand. I have not read much about his so-called 'causes' because as I have said, the man was clearly deranged and has done something unforgivable, for which there is no imaginable justification, and I do not even want to know what he considers his to be. But I would like to know something about the man - what was there in his upbringing that made him go so bad? Something must have happened to him, surely? What is it that makes a human, inhuman?
And poor Amy Winehouse. Her poor family. There was an article in the paper about drugs - about how her death should be used as an example to teenagers to once again, 'Just say No'.
I think the family unit is our best hope of keeping our children well and safe. I have been lecturing my own children on the dangers of drink and drugs (and even cigarettes) since they were tiny tots. I also encourage them to tell me everything and talk to me about whatever is on their mind. And as they grow older I am going to keep myself as involved as possible in every aspect of their lives - so that they know I am here to support them no matter what. And I will - when they leave home I will visit them frequently, make sure they have everything they need and so on. Meet their friends. Keep an eye. If they want to live at home until they are thirty and beyond then that is fine by me too. I will look after them for ever if they let me (and even if they don't!).
We all do our best, I know. And we can't always stop bad things happening to our children. Sometimes the world just looks like a mad and dangerous place, and that, for me, is when I have to stop looking outwards for a while, and just turn my attention instead to those around me, to my beloved family, and just do my utmost to love them and keep them close. And then hope for the best.
Louise x
Monday, 25 July 2011
Much Happier this Morning
Hi Everybody
I do feel better today. Maybe because it is sunny and set to be so for much of the week - just as it should be when the children break up from school. Fab.
Mostly, though, it is because I went to the hospital early this morning and they confirmed that the infection in my foot (if there was one) has cleared up. Which I knew, because the pain has pretty much gone. I am glad I got the antibiotics on Friday. Obviously all drugs can affect your system in an adverse way, but in the case of antibiotics I think it is worth it - the benefit outweighs any negative effect.
The doctor also confirmed that I should just try to walk normally now - confusingly he and the nurse maintained that I should not have been walking on my heels all this time, although that is what everybody else told me to do until now. Never mind. One of my feet seems to not want to go down straight on the ground, but there is no reason for that to happen (except subconscious fear of it hurting) so I am trying to walk normally and I am sure it will sort itself out.
It has helped to follow my eldest daughter as she walks around the house. She is so sweet - she helpfully walks with her feet flat (as I must in my special shoes) and watching her feet go down so easily helps me to walk more naturally too. I was tending to keep my knees locked as I did when I walked on my heels. We would look a bit crazy to anyone else - she walking very slowly around the house, me following right behind her. We didn't do it for long - I soon got dizzy and tired and had to lie down. It really helped though, and I am going to do it again a little later.
We are the only two here today. Toddler has been spirited off by his grandparents again. Younger daughter and elder son have been taken out by a friend. It was my son's friend's Mum who offered to take him out - my little daughter asked if she could join them. She is terrified of being stuck inside for the whole holidays although I have assured her that won't happen!
It is surprising how much moods can change from day to day (is this just me?). I got a bit miserable over the last week, when I was in some pain and worried about my bad foot. I started to eat a lot of junk food (particuarly crisps) which made me feel worse after a couple of days. Yesterday I determined to get a grip. Started thinking more about the Alexander technique and how I was moving. The technique helps with all sorts of stuff, including self control in all areas - I haven't had much experience of practicing it yet but have read a couple of books on the subject while I have been laid up.
I finished off the cakes with my lunch (my friend had sent them over with some clotted cream and they were too good to miss) had the last bag of crisps too, then determined to start eating more healthily. Paul made an excellent dinner - his cooking skills have improved a lot over the last couple of weeks and the kids are cleaning up their plates again. So that was a good start. Also I have to have four lots of antibiotics each day on an empty stomach, so I can't just eat all the time, which helped me to get a grip.
Amd this morning I feel so much better. Just have to keep trying, keep learning, keep pushing on. I have read a lot recently about how your thoughts influence your life and it is so true - if we think we are happy we are, for example. It is so important to think of things in a positive light - particualrly for those with mental health problems, as I have said before, the starting point should always be, 'I can get better. I will get better'.
And now there is an ever-increasing body of evidence to show that this indeed the case - there is no reason why people with mental health difficulties should not recover and live life to their full potential. Good-o. More anon. Louise. x.
I do feel better today. Maybe because it is sunny and set to be so for much of the week - just as it should be when the children break up from school. Fab.
Mostly, though, it is because I went to the hospital early this morning and they confirmed that the infection in my foot (if there was one) has cleared up. Which I knew, because the pain has pretty much gone. I am glad I got the antibiotics on Friday. Obviously all drugs can affect your system in an adverse way, but in the case of antibiotics I think it is worth it - the benefit outweighs any negative effect.
The doctor also confirmed that I should just try to walk normally now - confusingly he and the nurse maintained that I should not have been walking on my heels all this time, although that is what everybody else told me to do until now. Never mind. One of my feet seems to not want to go down straight on the ground, but there is no reason for that to happen (except subconscious fear of it hurting) so I am trying to walk normally and I am sure it will sort itself out.
It has helped to follow my eldest daughter as she walks around the house. She is so sweet - she helpfully walks with her feet flat (as I must in my special shoes) and watching her feet go down so easily helps me to walk more naturally too. I was tending to keep my knees locked as I did when I walked on my heels. We would look a bit crazy to anyone else - she walking very slowly around the house, me following right behind her. We didn't do it for long - I soon got dizzy and tired and had to lie down. It really helped though, and I am going to do it again a little later.
We are the only two here today. Toddler has been spirited off by his grandparents again. Younger daughter and elder son have been taken out by a friend. It was my son's friend's Mum who offered to take him out - my little daughter asked if she could join them. She is terrified of being stuck inside for the whole holidays although I have assured her that won't happen!
It is surprising how much moods can change from day to day (is this just me?). I got a bit miserable over the last week, when I was in some pain and worried about my bad foot. I started to eat a lot of junk food (particuarly crisps) which made me feel worse after a couple of days. Yesterday I determined to get a grip. Started thinking more about the Alexander technique and how I was moving. The technique helps with all sorts of stuff, including self control in all areas - I haven't had much experience of practicing it yet but have read a couple of books on the subject while I have been laid up.
I finished off the cakes with my lunch (my friend had sent them over with some clotted cream and they were too good to miss) had the last bag of crisps too, then determined to start eating more healthily. Paul made an excellent dinner - his cooking skills have improved a lot over the last couple of weeks and the kids are cleaning up their plates again. So that was a good start. Also I have to have four lots of antibiotics each day on an empty stomach, so I can't just eat all the time, which helped me to get a grip.
Amd this morning I feel so much better. Just have to keep trying, keep learning, keep pushing on. I have read a lot recently about how your thoughts influence your life and it is so true - if we think we are happy we are, for example. It is so important to think of things in a positive light - particualrly for those with mental health problems, as I have said before, the starting point should always be, 'I can get better. I will get better'.
And now there is an ever-increasing body of evidence to show that this indeed the case - there is no reason why people with mental health difficulties should not recover and live life to their full potential. Good-o. More anon. Louise. x.
Sunday, 24 July 2011
An Evening Out
Hi all
Paul and I went out last night. I met some old school friends in a bar, he met some other friends in a pub across the road, and we all joined up later. It certainly lifted my spirits - three hours thinking about something other than my feet was a very therapeutic experience.
I say old school friends - I met three women, two of whom I didn't remember at all (luckily they didn't remember me either) and a third who I did remember and who has recently read my book. I had not seen her since we left school, twenty-six years ago. She has an amazing memory - seemed to remember almost everyone we had been to school with and also recalled things I had said and done (thirty years ago!) that I had completely forgotten.
For example, she remembered a piece of writing I had done about a paper round (I don't remember ever having a paper round but she was convinced it was based on reality). She also remembered me breaking down in tears at school, and eventually saying that it was about my dogs being put down. She said she had felt at the time that my story was rather unbelievable - which was exactly why I rarely spoke about my home life in those days, because I knew it was so far removed from the common experience.
But she also pointed out that although it seemed to me that the other girls at that grammar school had a charmed life, of course they hadn't , or at least not all of them. And the meeting also brought something else home to me - that however bad things were in the past, is is how they are now that matters, and I am more than happy with how things turned out for me. I don't think I would change any of it now - I am sure I appreciate certain things in my life now because they are new to me - like being at the centre of a loving family.
Anyway, it was a nice evening. I always wanted to have more friends at school, but I always found it so difficult to communicate. Now, touch wood, my nerves seem to be lessening all the time - an evening in company would have been a very difficult thing for me, not all that long ago, whereas now it is a pleasure. Which, obviously, it should have always been.
I have sent my loving family out for a swim. I wish I could go with them...but it is wonderfully peaceful here now.
Have a good day, everyone!
Louise xx
Paul and I went out last night. I met some old school friends in a bar, he met some other friends in a pub across the road, and we all joined up later. It certainly lifted my spirits - three hours thinking about something other than my feet was a very therapeutic experience.
I say old school friends - I met three women, two of whom I didn't remember at all (luckily they didn't remember me either) and a third who I did remember and who has recently read my book. I had not seen her since we left school, twenty-six years ago. She has an amazing memory - seemed to remember almost everyone we had been to school with and also recalled things I had said and done (thirty years ago!) that I had completely forgotten.
For example, she remembered a piece of writing I had done about a paper round (I don't remember ever having a paper round but she was convinced it was based on reality). She also remembered me breaking down in tears at school, and eventually saying that it was about my dogs being put down. She said she had felt at the time that my story was rather unbelievable - which was exactly why I rarely spoke about my home life in those days, because I knew it was so far removed from the common experience.
But she also pointed out that although it seemed to me that the other girls at that grammar school had a charmed life, of course they hadn't , or at least not all of them. And the meeting also brought something else home to me - that however bad things were in the past, is is how they are now that matters, and I am more than happy with how things turned out for me. I don't think I would change any of it now - I am sure I appreciate certain things in my life now because they are new to me - like being at the centre of a loving family.
Anyway, it was a nice evening. I always wanted to have more friends at school, but I always found it so difficult to communicate. Now, touch wood, my nerves seem to be lessening all the time - an evening in company would have been a very difficult thing for me, not all that long ago, whereas now it is a pleasure. Which, obviously, it should have always been.
I have sent my loving family out for a swim. I wish I could go with them...but it is wonderfully peaceful here now.
Have a good day, everyone!
Louise xx
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