Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Under the Weather

It is not I this time, but the little-uns who are slightly under par. Nothing major is wrong, nothing much at all really, just that nobody is a hundred percent well and Toddler has a slight cough. I do tend to worry and to catastrophise, so that a well child becomes one who is just waiting to become poorly. I know it is a stupid attitude, and I am fighting it.

Last time I wrote my blog entry I spent an hour or two afterwards reading other entries, and came across a couple of really sad cases - where there had been really serious illness or death within a family - and realised anew how lucky I am. To be honest, it is never far from my mind, this sense of appreciation for what I have.

When I was psychotic (on three occasions over a period of eleven years) I was very ill. While I was recovering between episiodes, sometimes for years, I was very scared, very worried. I suffered a lot. Most of those years were lost or wasted in one way or another. But now I have a home, a family, even a dog of my own. I have the support and love of my wonderful husband.

I have the luxury of being able to spend my time more or less as I like - and I do like my life, even the cooking and cleaning and washing parts of it. And any anguish that I go through is more or less in my mind, and I am in charge of that, so it is irrelevant really.

Now, what have I been doing recently? The usual rounds of school and out of school stuff. Taking the kids swimming. Dealing with a recalcitrant Toddler. (He drove his Dad mad this evening, refusing to have his teeth brushed. He said he was 'busy' turning round in circles. He said he was trying to get so dizzy that he fell over. He said they do it at play school then they laugh and laugh. Ten minutes later he was still turning round in circles, Daddy was starting to grind his teeth and shout a lot. So I said calmly, 'Come here, darling, Mummy brush your teeth', and he came over like a little lamb. I have no explanation for it, but it felt good).

Enough for now. But if you came here from the Rethink website, and are reading this looking for hope for your own future, I hope you leave with the knowledge that there is indeed hope, and a lot of it. If I can recover from mental illness and lead a happy life, anybody can. I know this for sure - I was down there as low as anyone could have been, and I never would have looked ahead and seen a future this positive for myself. Be strong. Never give up.

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