Domesticity rules

The toddler is with his grandparents - I pinned them down to a morning of childcare. I find it hard to know whether they want to look after him or not - at times I get the impression that they love having him, but at other times I feel that they are making excuses why they can't. I don't ask them more than once a week, or once every couple of weeks. But it would help to know whether they really want to, because if they don't I will stop asking. I don't need them to look after him, although it is nice to have a break occasionally. I think that they do like to have him but don't want to feel obliged, and also that they quite like the power thing of saying no. But why does it have to be so complicated, and confusing? I suppose part of it is that I am over-sensitive - I must teach myself not to care so much, just accept the 'yes' or 'no' at face value.

Anyway, he will get his pre-school grant soon, then I will get some regular me-time. I have found a lovely nursery - the only problem being that the sessions are long - he would get funding for two days, instead of five mornings as he would at a pre-school. But that might be good - I could get a lot of writing done on those days, and then enjoy my time with him on the other days.

I was just playing with the puppy in the garden, and I trod on her foot, which made me feel awful. Not that she held it against me - animals are so wonderfully uncomplicated.

The pup is shaping up nicely, though I will be relieved when she gets older and easier. She chewed a piece of the decking in the garden yesterday. I thought my husband would be cross about that when he got home from work, but he was very philosophical. Today I found one of the kids' books in the garden, chewed - she pulls them off the bookshelves, which we have at child height. She also pinched a cuddly toy and was chewing that - but she was very taken aback when she set off the musical device inside it. Suddenly her 'victim' started singing to her 'Yes, my name is Iggle Piggle...' - she yelped and quickly took several steps backwards!

I have just had a Sainsbury's delivery - the delivery man was charm personified, as was the last one (this is only my second Sainsbury's order online). The Tesco's people are not nearly so pleasant - one of them was nearly apopolectic when I arrived slightly late home once and he was waiting for me. I apologised profusely, but he was having none of it - 'You just can't do that!' he kept blustering at me, 'You just can't do it!' I refrained from pointing out that I already had.

I hate confrontation, being a classic people pleaser, always trying to ingratiate myself. Yet another of my character flaws - I am well aware of them, and you would think that would help, but no, despite this self-awareness I am still in thrall to almost all of my bad habits.

Anyway, enough for now. x