Sunday, 15 May 2011

A quiet time

Hi Guys

I carved out a quiet hour and a half for myself this afternoon... Officially speaking, my time is now up. But I have just been inside to turn on the oven and decide what to cook for dinner, so I have decided that entitles me to another ten minutes out here. Just time for a blog post.

When I say 'out here', I should explain that I write in a shed in the garden. I am accessible of course, but sometimes the kids forget that I am here. Not today, unfortunately... Hubby is also around, but his need trumps mine today - he is working on a car, which I am keen for him to finish. So my 'me' time has been interrupted at regular intervals, mostly by Toddler demanding snacks and toilet services, and once by his older brother in a rage because he was sure that Toddler was wearing his Ben 10 slippers (what on earth possessed me to buy them the same slippers? This is going to be the bane of my life). The girls have been no trouble, but that is because they are watching trashy films on a laptop (and making bead necklaces at the same time, which improves the way I feel about the trashy films a bit).

I was a bit baffled to find Blogger inaccessible for most of this week. I wouldn't have been writing anything particularly fascinating here anyway - I have been a bit miserable recently for one reason and another. Nothing major, luckily, but when things don't go my way I do take it rather hard...don't cope well with setbacks.

I was walking along with the dog this afternoon, the usual thoughts running helter skelter through my brain. Must quieten that brain somehow. Or channel it into something useful. I think it is time I set up a proper writing routine and stuck to it - specifying the time of day, the number of hours and so on, as if it was a job.

Because the thought of work is haunting me at the moment - I feel I should get a job, but I am not sure if I could cope with the strictures of one, and also I know if I did find work I would really never have any time to write. I just want to make a living from writing - I want it more desperately as time goes on. So I thought if I act as though I have a job - put in a specified number of hours weekly, at specified times - that might help. I could see the disability benefit as a salary then, instead of feeling guilty about it. Which it is in a way - I am costing the nation a lot less if I stay well, and sometimes it is really not easy to stay well...

Whevs. Onwards and upwards. X.

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