Thursday, 20 October 2011


Hi Everyone

I went out last night - to what I suppose might be described as a business networking event.  It was interesting - to see what I have been missing all these years, for one thing.  I have been shrinking away from social functions for some years now, basically because of my problems with anxiety and nerves. 

Well, I don't really have those problems now.  I have managed to reason to myself that there is no inherent threat in a gathering of people, that my nervous reactions developed when I was a very young child and those feelings are just not appropriate to my life any more (as an old lady.  I mean mature woman.   I mean grounded individual).  I think my system finally had enough of the constant rushes of adrenaline, and decided not to bother responding with the old flight and fight response.  It got bored.

So, I went out in response to an invitation, as other people having been doing all their lives without thought.  It was a pleasant enough evening.  We listened to a couple of speakers, who had incredibly different styles of addressing an audience, which was interesting in itself - perhaps no way is the right way.  (Note to self:  Clarity seems to be the most important quality when expressing oneself in public). 

I am ashamed to say that I did no networking - I knew I should make the effort, but just didn't feel in the mood.  So instead I guzzled my tea, ate more than my share of biscuits and busied myself with my notebook (I had a free ticket for the evening, because it had been assumed that I was there to write about it for a local magazine.  Which I may do, but whether or not any article makes it as far as print is quite another matter).

If I go again, which I may well do (these events are monthly) I think I will try to talk to more people.  I will know what to expect next time.  Which is basically that this sort of event is very low key, or at least as low key as you want it to be.  All those years when I was young, when I craved social contact but was scared of engaging, I was missing the point - that these functions are not all that exciting.  Business life, or work life, is just a different way of behaving - no more or less challenging than looking after children and making conversation with other parents and various people I meet in the course of the day.

If I had known all this when I was young - not just known it, but been able to act on it, I could have had a very different life.  I could have used my law degree, and gone into a professional job or even public life.  (Well, maybe!)  But then of course, it would have been a different journey, and what I am also coming to realise now is that I have actually enjoyed my journey - or, more precisely, if I had not lived the life I have I would be someone completely different, and almost certainly no happier than I am now.  After all, I have Paul and the children - and I might never have crossed paths with Paul, if I had been a high flyer.  And whatever happens to me from now on, it is my home life that matters most.

I would like to get that job though!  I managed to complete my application on Tuesday, and although my work experience is a bit thin on the ground over the last many years, I think the job is well within my capabilities.  Whether it is within my grasp is another matter.

I finished the grand tidying-up indoors too.  Well, almost.  Although now I am following everybody around and as soon as they put something down I remind them that is not the right place for it and ask them where it should go.  Who will tire of this game first, me or the children?  Me, of course, and then our home will return to its usual chaotic state...That's life!

Hope all of you are well and happy.

Louise x x


  1. Your journey has given you greater insights than if you had taken a conventional law route. Moreover, you're still young and have gaining confidence by leaps and bounds. If you can do all this, I can see that my son can do it, too, in his own way. I'm so pleased that you are venturing out.

  2. Thanks again Rossa. Without knowing anything really about your son, I have a feeling that he will be fine in time. He is very lucky to have such a supportive mother. Do let me know (and all of us who read your blog) how he is getting on, if he doesn't mind... All the best, Louise.