Monday, 30 January 2012

Too Busy for Words

It is going to be really hard to break myself of the habit of starting each blog post with a greeting.  Nobody else does I am going to STOP.  This is a blog, not a missive.

Consider yourselves welcomed.

Anyway, I have backed myself into a bit of a corner the last few weeks.  I have not had much time to write at all, I have been too busy with trying to get people to read my memoir.  Plug (I mean link):

The book I was writing about recovery has stalled, and I am starting to wonder if there is a need for it, because after all this blog is about recovery... I have been thinking about writing something for children instead, something that would be light and fun and playful to write and to read...something I could read to my own kids. 

But I think I am making excuses.  Before I embark on anything new I need to get my head down and finish the project I have started.  Because no matter how much positive feedback I get about my book (I have had a bit recently and I have been so gleeful you would be forgiven for thinking I am getting a bit above myself at times)  that is now the old book.  If I am to consider myself a writer - which I do at last - I must justify that title, and finish the next book. 

My memoir covered my life so far (well, up until a few years ago) and shows how I was once very ill, and now am better.  So it fulfils a function of giving a message of hope to others who have suffered nervous breakdowns.  However, what it doesn't do is give a reasoned explanation of how I recovered. 

Partly because I have only recently dared to believe that I am actually recovered; in fact, to realise that I am better than recovered, because I have finally found myself able to deal with the anxiety that I have lived with since I was a child.  It sounds naive to say that I never realised anxiety was a mental health problem - now I can see that it has been the biggest one I faced, the factor that meant however well I seemed externally I was always internally vulnerable.

Anyhow, a book on recovery would hopefully be of practical application to sufferers and those who care about them.  I am trying to write it in a style that can be easily read, but I also intend to include a thorough bibliography and maybe some footnotes.  I want it to be useful, but not too textbook-y.

As I am starting to gain perspective on what went wrong in my life, the way is becoming clear to see how I want to progress from here.  And what I want is everything: to be the best, strongest role model possible for my kids, and the greatest support I can be for my husband.  I want to fulfil my potential.  I don't want to live my life at half mast ever again.

So here goes.  I am going to make a big push forward in my writing over the next few weeks.  Even if the new book isn't brilliant and ground-breaking it still deserves a chance at being written.  And who knows, maybe I will surpass my own expectations.  And after that is done, then is the time to write something just for fun.

All the best to all of you
Louise x

(Maybe I should stop signing off too?  It is probably a bit redundant, this saying goodbye every time.  I will stop that too.  The next post will be like a post from any other blog - I shall say what I want to say, then stop saying it).

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