It is going to be really hard to break myself of the habit of starting each blog post with a greeting. Nobody else does it...so I am going to STOP. This is a blog, not a missive.
Consider yourselves welcomed.
Anyway, I have backed myself into a bit of a corner the last few weeks. I have not had much time to write at all, I have been too busy with trying to get people to read my memoir. Plug (I mean link):
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Surviving-Schizophrenia-A-Memoir-ebook/dp/B0057P6M46
The book I was writing about recovery has stalled, and I am starting to wonder if there is a need for it, because after all this blog is about recovery... I have been thinking about writing something for children instead, something that would be light and fun and playful to write and to read...something I could read to my own kids.
But I think I am making excuses. Before I embark on anything new I need to get my head down and finish the project I have started. Because no matter how much positive feedback I get about my book (I have had a bit recently and I have been so gleeful you would be forgiven for thinking I am getting a bit above myself at times) that is now the old book. If I am to consider myself a writer - which I do at last - I must justify that title, and finish the next book.
My memoir covered my life so far (well, up until a few years ago) and shows how I was once very ill, and now am better. So it fulfils a function of giving a message of hope to others who have suffered nervous breakdowns. However, what it doesn't do is give a reasoned explanation of how I recovered.
Partly because I have only recently dared to believe that I am actually recovered; in fact, to realise that I am better than recovered, because I have finally found myself able to deal with the anxiety that I have lived with since I was a child. It sounds naive to say that I never realised anxiety was a mental health problem - now I can see that it has been the biggest one I faced, the factor that meant however well I seemed externally I was always internally vulnerable.
Anyhow, a book on recovery would hopefully be of practical application to sufferers and those who care about them. I am trying to write it in a style that can be easily read, but I also intend to include a thorough bibliography and maybe some footnotes. I want it to be useful, but not too textbook-y.
As I am starting to gain perspective on what went wrong in my life, the way is becoming clear to see how I want to progress from here. And what I want is everything: to be the best, strongest role model possible for my kids, and the greatest support I can be for my husband. I want to fulfil my potential. I don't want to live my life at half mast ever again.
So here goes. I am going to make a big push forward in my writing over the next few weeks. Even if the new book isn't brilliant and ground-breaking it still deserves a chance at being written. And who knows, maybe I will surpass my own expectations. And after that is done, then is the time to write something just for fun.
All the best to all of you
Louise x
(Maybe I should stop signing off too? It is probably a bit redundant, this saying goodbye every time. I will stop that too. The next post will be like a post from any other blog - I shall say what I want to say, then stop saying it).
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