Party Time

Morning everyone

I went out yesterday morning for an event at my eldest daughter's school, and found it all much easier than I thought.  I have become quite nimble on my crutches now, and I have very little pain.  And although I felt a bit embarrassed to arrive and depart in a wheelchair I am sure the other parents understood - we are all very keen to attend the important events in our childrens' lives, even at the risk of looking a little idiotic.

I took it a bit too far in the evening though.  I had arranged a while ago to go out with a group of Mums - something that I have always found quite hard, socialising in a group, but one of those things that I make myself do because a) it is good for me and b) it sets a good example for the children.

I had paid for the evening well in advance.  It included a meal and a singer and was quite pricey, so I was a bit annoyed when the appointment for the op came through and I realised I would have to cancel.  Two other Mums also cancelled, at the last minute, for health reasons.  Then yesterday Paul suggested that we go together - this would mean that my ticket wasn't wasted and that we could give the others the money for one ticket to share between them, so they wouldn't lose out completely.

Paul loves an evening out - any excuse.  And he has worked really hard this week, looking after the kids and I.  So I agreed, although I had misgivings.  And the misgivings got stronger later on, because I had a nap to prepare for the evening ahead and woke up grumpy and tired and really didn't want to go.  But I didn't want to let him or anyone else down, so we did it.  I felt a bit of an idiot, in my posh dress with my big bandaged feet and hospital-issue velcro-fastening  slippers.  Oh, if only there had been a prize for most inappropriate and outlandish footwear!  And of course the crutches added to the total picture in a not entirely helpful way.

But then, as is always the case in such situations, nobody was really looking at me anyway.  Or not for long.  And of course it is always nice to be catered for and it was a new experience, so the evening was not at all bad.

The best thing about it was that I managed to relax throughout.  For so long my nerves have ruled me, and now I seem to be much more calm.  I attribute this to my recent lessons in the Alexander technique - I have had three so far, and am booked in for another on Monday.  The teacher told me it would be good if I could get to her after the operation and I totally ruled out the possibility - but now that I am feeling so much better than I expected I have arranged for Paul to drive me over there.  I can really see her point about learning to move to the best of my ability, although or perhaps especially while that ability is so limited.

I have read a book called 'Body Learning' by Michael Gelb over the last few days - he explains the reasoning behind the Alexander technique very clearly.  And I am just starting another - an Illustrated Guide by Glynn Macdonald.  So hopefully some of the ideas will be sinking in over the holidays, before I start my lessons properly again.

Anyway, this new sense of calm and balance is wonderful.  It may not just be the Alexander lessons - it may also be due to the relief of having 'Come clean' about the diagnosis and finding that not much has changed in my world after all.  Whatever it is - long may it last!

I would like to end this post by re-iterating something I have said many times before: I hope that those of you who have found this blog while searching for help for yourselves and your loved ones will take a positive message from it.   Mental illness is not a life sentence - it is just a manifestation of troubled times and it too will pass, along with those troubles.  So, please, never give in to it!

Louise x.