Thursday, 24 November 2011

Schizophrenia and Stress

Hi there

I am feeling a little stressed this morning.  I think it is because the house is a bit of a tip (Paul is redecorating the front room) and Toddler is having his birthday party on Sunday.  I wanted to take him and some friends to Pizza Hut, but he insisted on having the party at home, so I will just have to get organised at the weekend and have a massive tidy-up and sort out. 

On the bright side, quite a few people have already announced that their kids can't make it, which is understandable because it is such a busy time of year.  There will still be plenty of attendees (my four can make quite a rollicking party on their own and I know at least six of Toddler's friends are coming, and some of his cousins).  But at least we will have room to move now - I always ending up inviting too many to my children's parties because I don't want anyone to feel left out, so I am quite pleased when people say no (although usually they don't). 

The weekend is going to be really busy - we have four big things to do just on Saturday.  All nice things, but still.  But I think that must be playing on my mind too - generally I am quite zen like and calm these days, but today I have a creeping sensation of anxiety. 

I am going to tackle it by writing (more on my Recovery book, hopefully not just in note form now, but actually make an attempt at a proper beginning).  Then I am going to go shopping for some of the party bits and pieces, so I feel as though I have made a start on that.  I find that doing is the solution to stress these days - stop worrying, start doing.

Which brings me to the title of this post - Schizophrenia and Stress.  The very word Schizophrenia makes me feel stressed.  And just a few short years ago I would have thought that the stress and anxiety I happen to be feeling this morning are symptomatic of my illness, which would have made me feel even worse.  But I am moving away from all that now - I no longer consider myself to be Schizophrenic (which makes it odd using the word in my blog, but I do that to make the point that it is a misnomer, an unfair and misleading use of guesswork that can adversely affect the whole of a person's life).  If I am stressed, then there is a reason, and by accepting that I can deal with it, and the stress dissipates as a result. 

What a lot of damage has been done to so many people!  I am one of the lucky ones - no-one would have known my diagnosis if I had not announced it (after many years of keeping it a secret).  But those people who are still medicated, still in and out of hospital, total victims of the system, freaked out because of their diagnoses of schizophrenia - who is going to give them back their lives?  It is so unspeakably sad.

Anyway, I feel better already after that little rant.  Writing as therapy.  Sorry if I sometimes repeat stuff - I feel that this blog could do with a good sorting out and tidying up - a bit like my house!

All in good time.

Louise x    

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