The Memoir

And - I did it! Spent the last four or so hours (sorry, Toddler, but he had the TV and later his sisters as babysitters) formulating a submission which I then emailed to an agent. Didn't feel like such a biggie once I was actually in the process of doing it. I didn't tell the prospective agent about this blog, because then she might find out that the book isn't actually finished yet (!). Well, I did finish it years ago, but it isn't in a fit state now to send out in its entirety - half re-drafted, half not yet.

So that has given me a giant kick up the backside to get on with things. The agent I sent it to promises to get in touch within six weeks, so I am going to work on it every single minute I can get now, and hammer the thing into shape. Just in case she asks to see the rest of it.

Not so terrified at the moment about the world knowing my 'schizophrenia' secret. I told a group of people at a writing course last October and it felt strangely liberating. Trying to put the lid back on the box since then and slot back into my daily life has only made me aware of how hard it is to fight something - prejudice and stigmatism - when you are trying to pretend not to have a mental health problem at all.

Also, am beginning to realise that a lot of my acquaintances, people who I don't want knowing my history, are only on the margins of my life. My eldest is about to move up to secondary school and that means about twenty of the people I have seen regularly for the last seven years - parents of her friends - are about to disappear from my life. Those that matter will stay, of course, but those are my friends, people who shouldn't be put off me by the whiff of a mental health problem in my past. And if they are, who cares?

My other concern is that if this book does get published, and read, then I will be classed as a schizophrenic writer, and I want to be so much more than the sum of my experiences. I want to write more poetry, kids stories and rhymes, maybe a novel one day. But first things first... let's see if I can get what I have written into print to start with.

Wish me luck!
X.